GrandFamily Resource Center

Philadelphia, PA

Virginia's Journey ... Raising a Third Generation

By Marypat Tracy, Direct Service Supervisor, Supportive Older Women’s Network (SOWN)

Virginia, a lively 75-year-old African-American woman with deep-set brown eyes and curly white hair, bundles up David, her busy two-year-old great-grandson, to take him to the daycare program in the same school to which she took her children and grandchildren.  Virginia says to herself, “I thought that I was finished raising children after the second time around and now here I am raising this little boy.”  

Virginia leaves David at the daycare center, and rushes outside to catch the bus to the GrandFamily Resource Center where she will join in her weekly grandparent support group.  Every week Virginia makes this trip to spend an hour with other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.  Sharing concerns, exchanging resources, engaging in counseling with staff and feeling connected brings this group of twelve grandparents back to GrandFamily Resource Center week after week.

Entering the meeting room Virginia hears the greetings of the other grandparents and immediately feels welcome. “Virginia, will you share your story with the group today?” asks Carolyn, the support group facilitator.  “I surely will tell my story if it might help another grandma,” answers Virginia.

This is the story she told:
When my granddaughter, Crystal, turned 17, I imagined her graduating from high school and heading off to college and eventually a good job like my other grandchildren whom I raised. Crystal is the fourth grandchild I raised in addition to my own three children and I am plenty tired!  One day Crystal tells me that she is pregnant and I am furious.  Over and over again, I had told my grandchildren, “If you get pregnant, you are out of my house!”

Luckily for me, my grandparent support group meeting was scheduled for the very next day.  With a heavy heart, I walked into the group meeting and announced, “I am throwing Crystal out of my house—she is pregnant!”

“Honey, you can’t throw that girl out,” Mary, my friend over there in the pink scarf told me.  “What will become of the baby?  That baby didn’t do anything wrong.”  Next thing I knew I was crying and Sarah, Annie, and Mary had their arms wrapped around me while tears poured out of my eyes.  I told them, “I am too tired.  I can’t face raising another baby.  How could my Crystal do this to me?  How will I pay for diapers, formula and everything else that this baby will need?  It’s been years since I raised a baby, how will I know what to do?”

Well, you see these women here in this room?  They stood by me.  They understood what I was going through.  And Carolyn, our group leader, really helped me learn how to get through this rough time.  While Carolyn isn’t a grandma, she knew what I needed. She met with me in her office twice a week for a month to help me sort out my anger at Crystal and my disappointment that I wasn’t going to get a break for myself.  I had been hoping to join the senior center in my neighborhood and maybe go away on a trip with the seniors.  These dreams for myself went out the window and Carolyn helped me to learn to deal with these changes.  She told me about all kinds of programs that are new since I took in my grandbabies.  Where do I take the baby for clinic?   How do I know if I need to get custody of the baby?   Can I place him in daycare?

And here in the group, the grandmothers who are raising the little ones themselves helped me see ways to stay strong and keep my focus on this baby that was coming into my life.  I was new to the grandparent support group myself and I had no idea how much help and support I would find.   

My great-grandson, David was born 6 months later and here I am two years later raising him.  I am telling you this story so that you will know that with the help of GrandFamily Resource Center I am doing what I thought I could not do. I couldn’t have done it without these grandmas, and Carolyn of the GrandFamily Resource Center.  Now my little David is a joy in my life.  I’ve kept him safe and healthy.  He even likes singing in church.  I believe that as long as I keep coming to the GrandFamily Resource Center and attending my support group and the parenting workshops, I’ll get the advice and the support I need to raise David.

August 2009